Finding the balance in the unbalanced

Here I am, a 44 year old mom of 2. Divorced for 10 years now, happily dating, figuring out who I am a little bit more each day between the commitments, fatigue, constant demands of full time employement, home ownership, and mom duties. 

It's a beautiful messy wonderful life and I'm a big fan of finding the joy and beauty in those small moments. I also pack in about as much activity as it feels humanly possible into pretty much every 24 hours. And somewhere in there I am trying to take care of myself, my health - physical and mental - and be a good example to my young daughter, and provide healthy food and good meals for my disabled son who lives with us as well. 

There's a lot of mental juggling that goes on in the day to day - calendars, schedules, who needs to be where and for what, constantly cleaning up from one mess to the next, laundry, vacuuming, wiping down counters over and over, the grocery shopping, and preparing all the food that goes with fueling our bodies as well. Also wanting to make sure we're not leaning too heavily on pre-packaged items and fast food to meet those needs!

I spent 2006 - 2022 working on a blog that started as a surrogacy blog to chronicle my experiences as a gestational carrier (5x surrogate to 6 baby girls and always happy to talk about my experiences!), and morphed into a food blog. I love food, I love cooking and baking, I love feeding people and seeing them enjoy what I've prepared. It's definitely a love language for me. But I've also struggled a lot over the years with unhealthy habits and weight fluctuations and trying to find a balance in there somewhere. I had gastric bypass surgery over 20 years ago, and lost quite a bit of weight, then proceeded to have 6 more pregnancies over the following 15+ years and fluctuated up and down. I've had two skin removal surgeries in the past 4 years, and ended up with a fairly extensive blood clot after the second one and will be on blood thinners for the rest of my life. The weight has again fluctuated off and on these past 4 years.

In addition to my medical journey, my now 26 year old son had a massive stroke at the age of 16 and it's been a lot of years of constant doctors appointments, medications, treatment options, therapies, and dealing with paperwork that goes with a minor becoming disabled, and making sure we have the proper support and care in place to take care of him. 

I raise my two kids as a single mom. I was divorced about 10 years ago now, and their father passed away about 4 years ago. My sister, dad & stepmom have all relocated from Washington state to be here in Georgia with me and the kids and I have a much better support network now than I ever did during my marriage, and am truly grateful for that. My sister lives with me and especially with my 11 year old daughter's hectic social, ballet, and school schedule is such a huge help. 

All of that to say - there are so many moving pieces. You truly never know what someone is going through and I know all of us struggle to find the balance amidst the chaos. To find the calm, to find our wellness, whatever that may mean to us. To truly learn to care for ourselves and not just the people in our care. It's not an easy thing to do, but something I am committed to working on. Day by day. Understanding myself and my needs more, learning to communicate more competently, learning to love myself a little louder, learning to give more grace where it is needed. 

Part of that process for me, is taking control in the kitchen. Nourishing not only my own body, but the bodies of my family. Truly enjoying the process of experimenting, making new dishes, making food that not only tastes delicious but serves a purpose, that provides the nutrition that we need. To again give grace and allow myself to be human, but to move forward with purpose and to use food as delicious fuel. 

I love watching video clips of recipes, tips, suggestions, etc. But so often I'll watch something and never be able to find it again. I wanted something more tangible than 10 second video clips, as much as I love watching them. I want something I can put my hands around, recipes I can save and find again later, share and take pictures of, talk about what worked or didn't, and have this diary of all the Cooking, Breathing, and Repeating that happens in my home as we journey through this life. Together. Figuring it out as we go!